Addicted to Love

I confess my addiction to love - I've always been addicted - since ever I remember. There is a difference though - earlier, love used to be something I received from outside, or something I gave to another like a commodity. Now, love is something that is generated from within me and radiates outwards. Earlier I controlled, rationed this thing called love, and more often was controlled by the rationing of it by others. Today, I have neither a wish to control nor can I and I am no longer sure where or whether there is a boundary to this energy. 

I wonder when I connect with love is it because someone is giving it to me or is it something I experience within me? Earlier love had to do with attention and compliments and seeing someone as good or important. Today, love just is, people just are and it's just a whole lot of fun. Off course I still love attention and compliments and feeling special - I am just no longer sure it is in anyone else's power to make me feel loved or unloved. 

And the awesome part of feeling this way is I don't feel as scared of being judged by others or making a fool of myself or not being good enough. All of that is really someone's point of view. I am now therefore even more addicted to love. 

So how did this transition happen?

Happiness and positivity - for real?

Recently I received feedback from several people that they perceive me as very happy and positive. That surprised me - I am certainly not always happy and always positive. I have my moments of gloom and doom and those moments are more than my own high standard prescribes to me ( standard for self - the impossible is possible - therefore have zero moments of gloom and doom - did anyone scream perfectionist - how did you guess?).

And yet there is an external perception of my happiness and positivity. 

Well, I thought about it and I realised I am happy and positive. Not always but far more than earlier. And I wondered what made me so - what would I say if someone asked me why? The thoughts below are not meant as a prescription - just my contemplation on what rocks my boat :).